Upping my intake?

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've been doing okay but then as soon as I eat I want to eat more and more. It's ridiculous. I'll do fabulous all day and then at dinner I'll eat like a pig. And when I try to stop myself I fuck up even worse than if I had given in in the first place. I don't think I'm emotional eating, but I suppose that could be it. My emotions have taken a shit lately. It's terrible. I feel awful about myself. I can barely stand to look in the mirror. My face is so fat and gross. The solution to that would be to stop fucking eating, but I can't. I get depressed and I eat even more.
I don't know. Maybe I should give in. I should be grateful that I can eat, you know? I mean, I get hit with intense guilt and shame and self-hatred when I do, but I don't have panic attacks when I take in extra calories. Maybe I should consider it a good thing that I can eat what I want and still be able to breathe.
But still. Even if I up my intake to that of a normal person (umm, no), I want to eat healthier. I've been working on that for a while. Maybe I'll stop counting calories temporarily. I mean, I'll count the calories in each thing I eat, but I won't keep a total. Then I can decide if the food is worth the calories, instead of feeling guilty about it. Example: I just had apple slices and peanut butter for lunch (one of the few healthy options my college offers). Peanut butter has a million calories (just under 100 per tablespoon) and it's loaded with fat, but it's also one of the healthiest things you can eat. So yeah, my intake for the day is already at 450 (I had an egg on a piece of rye toast for breakfast), but it's been a particularly healthy day. Does that make sense? Or am I just making excuses for my eating habits?
I don't know. The problem inspiring this whole post is that I just had lunch and I'm still hungry, and I'm sitting in a cafeteria. And my next class doesn't start until 3:00. I don't know what to do about this.
Am I being too hard on myself? I know I tend to have extremely high expectations for myself, but maybe I'm just trying to move too fast. Maybe I should hold off on starting a new diet and go back to my 1000 calorie per day limit. I think it is a good limit for me for the moment. And in the past, I've found that when I try to restrict too quickly is when I start binging like crazy. Maybe I should just take it slow and steady. After all, maintaining a 1000 per day intake is better than an 800 per day intake with a 2000 calorie binge every other day. I suppose I won't lose as fast, but at least I'll be able to keep it off.
I guess that's all for now. I need to do some homework, but I may post again later.