Maybe I'm not a failure? + Goals

I didn't binge yet. I'm still at work. I am slightly pleased with myself because I bought some soup and ate that instead of all the nasty greasy shit I was craving. Still not a great choice, but it was flavorful enough to kill my cravings and filling enough to hold me over so I won't binge. I don't know what I'm going to do after I get off work though. But it's meh. I'll figure it out. I'll probably overeat a bit but I'm going to do my best to eat as little as possible for the rest of the day. After all, I'm not actually hungry. Not stomach hungry anyway. I think my soul could use a little nourishment, but that's not what food is for. That's what music is for. :)
Anyhoot. Tomorrow I'm starting the "healthy" skinny girl diet. I'm hoping it will help me ease back into restricting. I'm happy because for Valentine's Day I convinced my boyfriend not to go out to dinner because it's too overdone (told you I'm a hipster lol). Instead we are going ice skating and to see Star Wars again. I mean, we've both seen it, but not together. I'm happy that I get to avoid the whole restaurant thing. blech. And we get to go ice skating, which is a little like a workout. So that's good.
I just...I've been really dissatisfied with myself lately. I feel so ugly and unlovable. I'm doing what I can but there's only so much I can do, you know? I just wish my hair would grow faster. I think I'll feel better once my hair is at the point I want it to be. And when spring comes I think I'm going to clean out my wardrobe and buy new clothes that I don't despise.
I have a lot to do in my life before I'll be satisfied. And it's not just about losing weight. I mean, that's a big part of it, but it's not everything. Because I don't just want to be skinny. I want to be the kind of person I can be happy about being. So, here's a list of goals I want to achieve this year, either beauty related or life related.

• Improve makeup game. (Unfortunately this requires buying a lot of shit)
• Lose 10-15 lbs (after that I'll reevaluate and decide if I want to lose more).
• Grow hair out, dye black. 
• Begin waist training (hoping for at least a 25 inch waist by the end of the year with corset training and weight loss combined. Not sure how fast waist training will shrink me)
• Build a modeling portfolio
• clean room/move into new room (my brother moved out a while back and I have yet to move into his old room)
• Learn to drive/get license/buy car
• Write more music (in general)
• Start YouTube channel
• Begin performing (there are a few coffee shops around)
• Take voice lessons (which may or may not be payed for by my scholarship xD)
• Get tattoos (2 more this year)
• learn to cook (kinda random, but I think my boyfriend might appreciate it. Then I would also be able to control my own diet)

So there ya go. I'm an ambitious little fuck, aren't I? We'll see how it goes.