I'm stressed out, angry, irritable, completely ashamed, and just mentally exhausted. I got home last night and I stuffed my face like the little fatty that I am. I refused to go out with my friend because after doing my makeup I looked so bad I couldn't bear to look at my own reflection, let alone go out in public. I'm basically disgusting. I caught sight of my reflection in my computer monitor and I started to cry. It was that bad. I could barely do my makeup this morning, but I had to because I wasn't going to come to work looking like that. I look tolerable I guess. I don't know. I'm avoiding mirrors. I just...fuck. I forgot how much it hurts to hate myself like this. I guess I had just gotten used to it. But for some reason it just hit me hard yesterday. Then I woke up this morning and had cake for breakfast (disgusting, I know. What the fuck.) and I haven't eaten since. But the money in my wallet is begging me to go over to McDonald's, buy everything, and fucking stress eat.
Maybe I will. I don't know. What's the point anyway? I literally started my day by eating cake, and my mom is making junk for dinner, so today has been fucked since 9:00 this morning. And even if I binge again, who cares? I already hate myself.
I don't know. Today is just a terrible day. I'll be better tomorrow.
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