Why am I still here?

Here. This blog. This life.
I always come back here. I always sink this low again, no matter what.
I don't even know what is wrong with me. I don't know why I can't just be happy and stay happy.
It's not a food things this time. I'm just so fucking lonely. I have so much going on in my head and I can never talk about any of it. Every time I do talk about it, something bad happens. I've gotten good at hiding it. Choking it down.
I just don't know what to do. I'm trapped.
Probably just going to get drunk tonight