Must get skinnier

Here's the plan for tomorrow
Breakfast : water and tea
Lunch: rice and veggies
More water
Dinner: depends on what I'm doing...so as little as I can get away with. Salad if im out, juice if im home.
No food after dinner.
I have to do this. I cannot go on eating the way I've been eating. It's awful and disgusting and I'm fucking fat. And on top of that, I'm wasting money on food I don't need. So it needs to end. Now.

Denial

I can't imagine what it must feel like to feel free in your own body. To not feel as if your body is a shell you don't fit in, or a cage holding you captive. What does it feel like to not want to rip your own skin off until you can breathe? To not ever think about shedding your skin and finally being comfortable?
I feel like I've wasted 20 years of my life, and every second I spend in this lie is a waste of time when I could be living as myself.
But I cant. It's just not an option.
So I go back in denial.
And in the closet.

I'm bad at multitasking

Focus. Basically what it comes down to is focus. And I'm awful at focusing on more than one thing at a time. The more I focus on the rest of my life, the more I neglect my weight. And the more I focus on my weight, the more I neglect everything else.
I guess I just need to try harder. I'm not willing to sacrifice the progress I've made in other aspects of my life, but I'm just so fucking sick and tired of looking like this.
I just need to try harder. That's all.